


Wolves in Friend’s clothing

by Jojo28



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Animal Attack, Anxiety, Blood, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Panic Attacks, They’re figments so nothing’s permanent, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jojo28/pseuds/Jojo28
Summary: Deceit has recently turned over a new leaf, advocating for self-care and whatnot. Maybe this time his intentions are as pure as he’s led the other sides to believe. Remus is as deviant as ever. Unfortunately Virgil is the one that suffers for it, and just when things started going okay for once in his life.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	1. Anxiety’s Respite

“Thomas it is _urgent_ that we get to the script for your next upload, we are belated enough, and you continue to procrastinate.” Logan had pointed out. Well duh, it’s not like Thomas didn’t know that already. He had been sitting in his living room for nearly two hours and had written maybe a page or two of lines. His mind kept wandering to various things around the room, the PAX paintings under the stairs, the one blind out of place, the dishes piling up in the sink. _I should really get to those,_ he thought.

“I know, I KNOW. I just- can’t focus.” Thomas replied. He wasn’t really sure why, but things seemed out of place.

”Well, are you feeling anxious about starting? I can summon Virgil if you find it necessary that he is a part of this.”

“No I’m not nervous, I promise. I don’t know... my brain just feels jumbled?”

”Well maybe I should summon the others anyway? Just to see if there’s anything they could contribute? I’m not well-versed in jumbled... or feelings.”

”If you think it’ll help.”

”I do.”  
  
Thomas nodded as if giving permission, as Logan brought up Patton, then Roman who had a coughing spell as he rose up. 

”Hey Kiddos! What’s up?” Patton asked with his usual fervor. “Roman are you all right?”

Roman was hunched over trying to catch his breath. 

“JEEZ YOU REALLY SUCK AT SUMMONING LOGAN. MAYBE TRY TO NOT CHOKE ME NEXT TIME?!” Roman exclaimed when his breathing had finally started to level. Patton has stifled his laughter and Thomas cackled. Logan may have even found some humor in his accident and smirked.

”My sincerest apologies, Roman. You know I don’t do this very often. I tend to solve problems on my own.”

The room had always seemed to light up in the presence of Thomas’s sides, no matter how much they tended to argue. Thomas had slowly been learning to love himself more, and he often attributes that to his growing appreciation for these lively and entertaining parts of himself. They really had become his best friends in a way, with the exception of Joan of course.

“It’s alright Logan, but please be careful next time.” 

“So where’s Virgil?” Logan asked. Thomas nodded in agreement, as he wondered as well.

”He’s... uh... out.” Patton stuttered.

”Ah I see, well then it would be inappropriate of me to interrupt him. He’s welcome to join when he’s finished.”

“Out? LIKE DUCKING OUT?! WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS MORE WORRIED?!” Thomas yelled in confusion. They had learned that it was dangerous for Virgil to disappear before, so Thomas couldn’t understand why they didn’t seem panicked. The three exchanged knowing looks.

”Thomas? How do you feel right now?” Logan questioned.

”A little anxious that you guys aren’t- Oh. Anxious. Ha ha. He hasn’t ducked out has he?” 

“No, fortunately.” Logan said.

“I know! What ever would we do without the little emo?” Roman interjected sarcastically.

“Hey-” Chastised Patton.

“Sorry. Force of habit.” Roman bowed his head, slightly ashamed.

“Well then does someone want to explain what ‘out’ means?” Inquired Thomas, who had made air quotes with his fingers around the word “out.” 

Patton decided to explain the situation. “Well it’s actually pretty good Thomas. Virgil’s been finding ways to better handle anxiety, for his sake and yours. He found out that he really likes going for walks on trails through the woods and listening to music. Usually his- uh- scary angry teenager music.”

Roman chuckled then interjected, ”He took it upon himself to turn his room into a wooded trail temporarily to go on a nice hour-long hike, it’s quite creative actually. I commend him for that.”

Logan offered his explanation, ”He's been doing it every few days for almost two months. And for his own anxiety’s sake, he has complete agency over the scene, so it eliminates any of his irrational thoughts of a animal attack, natural disasters, or running into strangers and such. They’re impossible occurrences with Virgil in charge. Although knowing Virgil, those thoughts likely still cross his mind even if he is in full control.”

”Yeah! And then he winds down with a long cool shower. I’m really proud of him actually for finding such a healthy outlet. He’s really putting in effort. I’m so proud of the little kiddo. Although the way we found out was less than ideal...” The other two sides glared in the father's direction, knowing Virgil would not appreciate getting embarrassed.

”Wait, what? What happened?” Thomas asked. 

“Well- I- um.” Patton choked out.

”Virgil is a little self conscious about it. He doesn’t like us seeing him with his guard completely down like that. Especially because he had been- uh- singing... out loud. So once a few weeks ago when Patton had entered his room to speak with him, he kinda freaked.” Explained Roman with a slight nervous chuckle.

“But he handled it very maturely, however. He sat down with us and explained that it helps calm him down, and that he would really appreciate it if we left him completely alone for those two hours. I’m so proud of my dark strange son!”

”I bet... I guess that explains why I’ve been feeling so calm recently. And also maybe so jumbled. I’m not used to feeling this peaceful. I think I like it.” 

A new voice had spoken out in response, “Well maybe you should get used to it Thomas. Maybe take some advice from Virgil and de-stress yourself.” Thomas’s snake-like personality said with an actually pretty genuine smile.

”AHH! Oh hey Dec- um Janus. Thank you I appreciate it.” 

”Sorry for scaring you. I know it can’t be easy getting used to me trying to be helpful. I guess Virgil’s inspiring a change in all of us, huh? He managed to go good, so I thought I’d give it a try.”

”I mean, it’s definitely weird. But we do appreciate all that self care and such that you’ve been contributing to Thomas as well. We acknowledge the good you’ve done.” Logan stated with a smile on his face.

”Well... almost all of you.” Janus frowned.

”Aw Virgil will come around. It’s his nature to be on guard and to protect, you just gotta give him time.” Reassured Patton.

“You know what? You’re right. He can’t hate me forever... I hope.” Janus began to look disheartened.

”Now kiddo, I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. He’s just wary. Like we expect him to be.” 

The conversation turned away from Virgil as Thomas now had some more motivation to complete the task at hand. He got a couple ideas from the four sides present, shocked that Janus had some good contributions. Thomas passed the laptop over to Logan to proofread it, before sending it to Joan for his input. Things were gonna go well.

~~~  
  
  


_I’ve been sleeping with the light on. I tend to freak myself out._

This wasn’t Virgil’s normal taste in music, but he could definitely admit that it was catchy as hell. Plus extremely relatable. You know, as much as he was definitely reminiscent of Thomas’s emo phase, that kind of music isn’t his go-to anymore. Especially now that he doesn’t like to “cathartically indulge in his negative emotions” anymore as Logan had so eloquently put it. He liked finding music or audio books that bring him tranquility, instead of the screaming vocals and angry drums that honestly raised his heartbeat to a point that his nerves worsened. He’d been branching out to new artists, mostly at the recommendations of Patton who is as chill as it comes with music preferences.

Virgil remembered remembered that first interaction with a smile. “Hey... uh Patton?”

“Yeah kiddo?”

”So I’ve been trying to um, find a playlist of songs to sort of help my anxiety. YOU DON’T HAVE TO THOUGH!” Virgil waved his hands excitedly to emphasize, “Uhh. Just I know some people keep music stuff private because it feels personal... You know what? I- Just forget it.”

Virgil turned to go when he felt a gentle arm on his shoulder. Patton stood there with squinted eyes and a half-smirk.

“You seem like a Fleetwood Mac kind of person.”

This current song playing through his earbuds on repeat he found on his own though, it’s a little too angry for Patton’s tastes still. After reading the lyrics it was clear to Virgil why it resonated with the anxious side. 

As Virgil walked along through a familiar section of forest, which he may or may not have modeled after trails which Thomas had traversed in his youth (Hey, it brought him comfort!). He listened on to the song as he looked around at the birds chirping above him. He could hear their singing faintly even through his earbuds which was currently blasting music.

_I say the wrong shit at the right time._

Ain’t that the truth.

_Maybe they all should listen to me. It isn’t all about what you see._

Damn this is a good song.

Virgil has been singing along out loud, but stopped when he reached the bridge toward the end of the trail. There was a baby bunny in the way and he didn’t want to disturb it. He hadn’t ever really payed attention to how helpless yet adorable rabbits were. There’s a lot he didn’t notice about life. He spent so long thinking he knew everything, being as vigilant and albeit... _paranoid_ as he could be, sometimes meant that he didn’t stop to realize he only really knew things about people. Specifically things about those he didn’t trust. Animals are different. They hold no grudges, or do anything with malicious intent- the way humans do at least. They only have a survival instinct, and even a sense of empathy in some cases, much milder than humans, but it’s still there. Virgil had crouched just to observe. The baby was light gray, with a few white spots. He couldn’t tell if it was scared or excited but it seemed very jumpy. He concluded it was scared when the apparent mother rabbit had come up beside it and the bunny had seemed to relax. They hopped away together downstream and Virgil couldn’t help but smile... hugely. He also couldn’t help but note that it definitely reminded him of Patton.

Virgil was a big softy, not-so-secretly anymore he guessed. He used to not pay attention to the little joys in life because it seemed mundane when there was a whole world outside- and inside- that wanted to hurt Thomas. Hey, it was easier to protect when people already feared you. But there was something about the light sides that made him break down his walls. Maybe it was seeing that they were just as imperfect as him. Even the cocky son of a bitch Roman got anxious about his role in the headspace. Then again he never was before Virgil showed up. Had him being around them been a catalyst in their own anxieties? Had he made everything worse?   
  


_No. Stop thinking like that Virgil. You know they lo-CARE about you. Patton so clearly is fond of you and sees you as a son. Logan grounds you and your irrational thought, and appreciates your intelligence. Roman has given up the name calling because even he was willing to cooperate. Plus I guess he cares about you, too. You’re safe here with them. You’re happy now. You know that. Don’t make Patton come fight you for thinking like that._

Virgil chuckled at the memory of Patton’s threats of a fight and after a few short moments of watching the water rush by underneath his feet, he trudged on past the bridge. Look, nothing and no one was perfect, but they were as close as you could get and Virgil looked up to them. Except for recently. 

They let Deceit in.

 _Son of a bitch I guess I’m going down this rabbit hole_ , he thought. Heh heh rabbit hole. Like the rabbit he just saw? God he had to stop spending so much time with the father figure. 

Why do they insist on trusting Deceit? He clearly doesn’t want what’s best for Thomas. Self-preservation and self-care are not the same thing. Roman has always been the one vouching for self-love, and it’s evident in the videos. And he’s the damn romantic one! Even he knows that caring for yourself is more important than desperately looking for someone to love. If only Virgil had been in the most recent Sanders Sides, they never would’ve let Janus in. Self-preservation is selfish, self-care is not. That’s the difference. They never should’ve preached selfishness because it’s never okay to lie or deceive in order to keep up appearances. Self-love and self-care however are far from selfish, but necessary. This is a trick on Deceit’s part and Virgil knows it. It has to be right? Right? Make Thomas confuse the two so he can convince Thomas he’s selfish, and therefore make it easier to slip in and trick him. 

_There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway._

Chills.

Virgil reaches a rock formation that he recalled Thomas loved to climb as a child, and made a mental note that he had almost looped back to the beginning, so he’d be done soon. Good, this train of thought needs to stop heading toward wherever it’s going. 

_Are you seriously so close minded to think that everything said by someone you don’t like is automatically untrue?_

Maybe Roman had a point. _I mean I got a second shot... maybe he should too. I’m just being paran-  
_

Virgil had reached the end of the trail and had begun to take out his earbuds. For a split second he heard what sounded like a low growling and turned to see a small quick flash of something through a bush, but immediately dismissed it. Nothing can get in here. 

The woods melted away and slowly morphed back into his familiar darkness, and he headed toward the shower to clear his mind. He always felt better after thinking out his anxious thoughts and then letting them wash away.

~~~

  
Right about fifteen minutes after the final script had been emailed to Joan and everyone had decided to lounge around, Virgil had decided it was time to say hi. Thomas and Logan has been sitting up on the couch with Patton and Roman on the floor, as is the usual movie night set up. Unfortunately, Snake Eyes decided to take up a spot on the couch where Virgil usually sat on the back of it.

When he popped up he was greeted with warm regards all around, but he kept an eye trained on Janus. 

”What is he doing here?” Virgil questioned with only slightly less venom than normal.

”He helped with the video today, Virgil. He’s been helping out a lot recently. You could stand to go a little easier on him.” Thomas points out.

”I know.” Virgil said. Everyone’s heads sharply turned toward him and away from the T.V. which was tuned into Frozen. Not the Disney movie however, it was some 2010 movie about people on a ski trip or whatever.

“A-and I’m sorry Janus.” Virgil was not one for apologizing, especially when it came to the dark sides. And he’d NEVER admit he was wrong about overthinking something like this. Poisoned drinks? Yeah even Virgil knows that’s excessive and he can at least admit that. This is new, him apologizing like this. Virgil and Janus exchanged small apologetic smiles before Virgil made his way to the couch. The other sides shared bewildered glances, slightly hopeful of a reconciliation.

”Oh- I’m sorry Virgil I’m sitting in your spot aren’t I?” Janus made a move to get up but Virgil stopped him.

”Don't worry about it.” He truly was content on the floor next to Patton, at least for today.

The others (mostly Logan) decided to fill Virgil in on what he had missed in the movie so far, which wasn’t much yet, but of course there was enough context clues and whatever else that then had Logan rambling and theorizing for a couple minutes before Roman told him to shut up.

After the movie was over they all discussed it. Patton wasn’t a big fan.

”I just don’t understand while people have to get hurt like that in movies! I mean who wants to watch that?!” Patron said. Virgil nodded in agreement but it seemed no one else shared this sentiment. Virgil felt extremely anxious about the scene Patton was referring to, _add another to the list of phobias I didn't know I had until watching some movie._ Others on that list included being stranded out in a desert, being stuck in an endless _Ground-Hog Day_ style time loop, and being hunted by another human as if he were an animal.

”I called the wolf thing from the beginning.” Logan stayed matter-of-factly.

”We KNOW Professor Dumbledork you won’t shut up about it.” Roman snarked. Everyone giggled except Patton who gave some disapproving looks.

”So how was your walk today Virgil?” Thomas asked after the laughter died down. His eyes went wide because he is _certain_ he never mentioned it to Thomas before.

“I-uh-how did-” 

“Oh I’m sorry Virgil. We informed Thomas of your excursions without your consent, but he believed you had ducked out again so we put his mind at ease.” Logan said.

Virgil let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was a little upset they told him without his permission, but it saved him from the recent turmoil of figuring out how to bring it up to Thomas himself, so he guessed he was thankful.

”Oh... um... it was nice? I think I’m going again tomorrow.” Virgil said with a smile. Maybe this wasn’t so bad.

"Good. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself." Said Deceit.

Virgil sighed. "Yeah uh- me too."


	2. Things That Should't Be There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is he starting to lose control? Or is something more nefarious going on?

Waking up the next morning was easy for Virgil, which was definitely a rare occurrence. He stretched and gave a big yawn, before slowly- _and quite literally-_ rolling out of bed. He caught himself on the floor and chuckled. Virgil chuckled to himself. He felt light, a bit floaty, but in the best way possible. 

_Is it just me or is it a bit brighter in here today._ If Virgil didn't know himself as well as he did, he may have almost thought he caught himself smiling. Then his stomach growled. _I should head down for breakfast, is there anything I'm forgetting?_ He peered around his still vaguely gloomy room to see if there's anything he needed to grab for his morning routine. While spider webs still littered the place, it seemed as if a bit of light was streaming in from somewhere. The constantly spinning clock had even slowed to an almost normal pace. _What is going on?_

He saw his hoodie hanging on a chair before mentally face palming over the fact he almost forgot something so important. Virgil didn't realize at the time, but he wrapped it around his waist instinctively, instead of pulling it on as normal. He pulled open his door and was immediately hit with the smell of sizzling bacon and fluffy pancakes. Virgil's favorite, mostly because it was so simple, but amazingly delicious. Especially considering Patton was a _god_ in the kitchen. He decided then and there he would actually sit and eat with hem instead of retreating to his room today. He doesn't lock himself up everyday, but recently it had been more often than not. Virgil began the trek downstairs and as expected saw the light sides milling about, Patton in an apron, Roman trying to cut in and help, and Logan with his face in a book at the far end of the table.

"Patton, come on! Let me at least set the table or something..." Roman said dejectedly.

"I really appreciate it Ro, but I really don't mind. I love cooking for you guys, and making myself useful." Patton responded.

"Pat you are much more useful then being just our personal chef, just let me help!"

Logan adjusted his glasses but kept his eyes in his book. "You two have this argument nearly every morning. Are you ever going to exhaust yourselves of it?" He finally peered up for a split to see Virgil standing at the bottom of the stairs and grinned a "good morning" at him. _Huh, Virgil looks-_ Logan froze. _What?_ He did a double take and stared up at Virgil, who thankfully hadn't noticed yet. _Whoa Whoa Whoa. What is he-_

"Of course they're not gonna get tired of it, Lo. Roman's always gotta be the one in control." Virgil said with a smirk toward Logan, who was still staring. Virgil turned his attention back to Roman.

"Ooh, _Gloomy Day Real Estate_ has emerged from his dark palace to grace us with his presence." Roman teased back, without looking up from the bacon in the pan. Patton yelled a quick hello, also not redirecting his attention quite yet.

"You're losing your touch Ro, I prefer _A Gay To Remember_." Virgil said and scoffed to himself, glancing back to Logan to see if he also believed it was funny. Logan was still staring. Virgil noticed. He stared back with a confused look.

"Nice one, V." Roman ended with a laugh.

"Uhh, are you staring at me for a reason, Lo?" This caught the attention of the other two sides in the room. Patton had yelped and Roman dropped a glass. _Okay, what the hell is going on here?_ Thought Virgil.

"Guys?" Virgil asked.

Roman pointed to Virgil and said, "What's up with your face?" 

Virgil laughed, "That's not very nice, now is it Ro?"

"So I see you decided to change up your look, is there any particular reason?" Logan questioned, finally breaking out of his stupor. _Changed up my look? Wh-_

_Oh. I'm not wearing my eye shadow. Or any makeup for that matter. And my hoodie isn't-_

Virgil reached up and touched his face to confirm.

"Uh, I guess I forgot it this morning. Huh. Weird." Virgil smiled. _Virgil smiled._ That did not go unnoticed.

"Forgetting isn't like you, V." Roman stated. Logan nodded in agreement.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. I was feeling good this morning. Maybe I didn't feel like moping today and I forgot." Reasoned Virgil. He walked over and sat in his spot on the couch.

"Is everything alright?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, actually everything is pretty good. I feel... relaxed." Virgil said.

Patton smiled. "As much as I support you no matter what you look like, I have to say I'm really liking this look on you, Kiddo." 

"Why is that, Pat?" Virgil smirked.

"You've got hope in your eyes for the first time. I really like it." Everyone was sort of taken aback. _I guess he's right,_ thought Virgil.

"Then maybe I'll keep it up." Said Virgil. Patton looked so content.

"Breakfast is ready..." Patton said.

After everyone grew accustomed to a less dismal Virgil, conversation took up like normal. With the exception of maybe a few more laughs and contributions from Virgil than other days. They discussed the upcoming Sanders Asides video, as well a few other projects Thomas had coming up. Logan then gave a summary of the book he was reading at the request of Patton, trying to include him in conversation. Roman also brought up his most recent conquest in the imagination. After devouring the wonderful breakfast, inevitably, the conversation was going to eventually get back to Virgil's bright and shiny new attitude. 

"I'm really proud of you Virgil. For opening up like this. I think we all are." Patton started.

"I concur, it takes a lot of courage to let your guard down like that. Especially for you, so thank you for trusting us so much." said Roman.

"It's quite a roundabout way of showing trust, but I can see why this is such an accomplishment for you." _Dry as always I see, Logan._

 _"_ Thanks guys. It's- It feels nice to not be so worried about everything constantly. Don't worry. I'm still on guard, but I'm giving myself a break." Everyone perked up at that. They've been trying to drive that through Virgil's thick skull for forever. Thank God.

"Now could we- uh. Talk about something else please?" Virgil blushed. They've never seen it under the white foundation. It was nice to see him looking more alive.

~~~

Virgil was preparing to go on his walk hours later after dinner when an idea popped into his head. He hated it, but it felt like something he should get off his chest. He spent the day with the rest of the guys feeling happy and truly loving life, so he guessed he had more things to fix. Virgil sighed to himself and trudged to the door, and reluctantly down the hall to the new residence of the most recent side jumper. He knocked hesitantly. Virgil was greeted with a scaly face holding a shocked expression. 

"I wanna talk Jan."

"U-Uh sure. Come on in." Janus opened the door fully, stepped aside and gestured for Virgil to enter. There was stark silence and awkwardness for a minute until Virgil gathered the courage to speak.

"I- uh- well..." Virgil suddenly felt really hot. "You know I don't hate you right?" Janus looked shocked at this statement, as if he didn't believe it. Virgil's heart clenched when he noticed. _Had I really been that much of ass?_ "I-I know it seemed like it. But I was just wary of you. I'm very protective, it's my job, and I didn't like the idea of a dark side coming over to help. But I guess that's pretty hypocritical right?" They both chuckled slightly. "To be honest I don't even remember very much from being over there, so I don't even know what I was so afraid of. You're not- a bad guy Janus. You need to know that. Janus looked flustered, and he opened his mouth to respond, but Virgil didn't want that awkwardness so he turned and left with a quick "okaygoodbyeJan" and headed off to his room.

When Virgil got back to his room he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. _That was rough... but okay I guess._ Virgil closed his eyes to center himself, and let the darkness melt away into a bright sunshine-y wooded trail. The sky was a bright blue, and the cool breeze felt comforting. Virgil chose a cool, early August day to let himself enjoy what the world has to offer. He plugged his earbuds into his phone, and began scrolling through his playlist, ultimately landing on Told You So by Paramore. Virgil strolled through, allowing himself to think whatever his mind wanted, before trying to brush it away and return his attention on relaxing. He learned this worked really well to battle some intrusive thoughts. As he walked along, he couldn't shake this weird feeling he had. He thought back to the weird flash he saw yesterday. Virgil shivered. _Weird._ He came to the bridge once more, and saw the rabbits once again. Virgil made it an event that comes like clockwork since the first random encounter with them. He sat down this time, on the edge of the small wooden bridge with his feet dangling of the edge. He watched the water rush past under him about five feet below. Some moss was catching on rocks while some more swirled off and floated down stream.

Suddenly Virgil felt the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. Something's wrong. He felt a hot breath down the back of his neck. _Fuck._ Virgil slowly started to stand up with his hands out as not to frighten whatever was behind him. _This shouldn't be happening-_ Virgil turned slowly and let out a whimper when he saw a large gray wolf with striking light blue eyes right behind him. He would almost say they glowed. He knew immediately that must've been the flash he saw. By now he was shaking. Wolves are so much bigger than he thought. The wolf lunged back, looking ready to pounce and Virgil braced himself. When no attack came he peered through his fingers to see the wolf retreat. His heart started racing. 

_That shouldn't be there._

_What's going on?_

The world around him melted as he clutched his chest, and the back and purple familiar walls faded back in.

_Am I losing control?_

_Why?_

He could only think of one answer.

_I let my guard down._

Virgil felt the panic rise in his throat as he let darkness overwhelm his senses, and he collapsed on the floor.

~~~

Waking up today was not as easy as I had hoped. My back hurt, and my bed felt rougher than he remembered. That is until I realized he was on the floor. My nerves were so high after yesterday I felt like I was still shaking. Picking up my phone to check the time, I saw it was dead, from having not been plugged in the night before. _Damn it._ I looked up at the clock to see it spinning at it's normal fast speed. The peace was good while it lasted. The last resort was the alarm clock on the night stand. 

_11:34 AM_

Yeah I guess everything's back to normal. The guys are gonna hate me. I stood myself up, pulled my hoodie on, and proceeded to my desk where I keep my makeup. I can't give myself a break. It's dangerous. I dipped my fingers in the eye shadow and smeared it under my eyes. I feel safe. Maybe it is better this way. If I let my guard down again who knows what'll happen to Thomas. _GOD I'm such an idiot._ How in the hell could I think slacking off like that is okay? What if we were hurt? I wasn't aware enough to help him. 

My stomach rumbled. Time for breakfast. I went downstairs to see the three on the couch, and once again they were all staring. This time out of disappointment. Patton looked sad. I didn't want to see him like that because of me, so I pulled my hood up over my head, grabbed a granola bar and went upstairs.

_Never again._


End file.
